Down But Not Out

Things were put on hold. The Twizzy, my thoughts, my writing. I canceled plans I’d had with people. I dodged calls and a few texts.

I thought maybe I’ll paint. Painting used to be my special time to think. I used my landscapes as a way of transporting me years ago. Would it still work, I thought. I dabbled, I mixed, I spilled linseed oil all over the carpet, and dropped a brush with lilac oil paint down my white pants. Good thing that apron was so short… But did it work? Did I forget all the bullshit and the exhaustion? Did my jaw finally unclench? Did my desire to line up everyone who’s pissed me off in the last 6 years and crotch-punch them lessen?

Yes.

A little.

Fine, a very little, but I’ll take it.

Painting, much like writing, takes me away. I become so immersed, it’s like a mini-holiday. The trouble, with any holiday however, is coming back. The unpacking (this time mentally) of the baggage. Laying it all out in plain sight and deciding what needs to be done with each pile. I’ve decided I’d seriously like to fuck up some of the piles, just because I can. Most I’ll deal with in my own time. One has been helped along by friends. That’s the thing with baggage – you think you’re the only one who carries yours but you’ve brought friends along who, when they see it get too heavy for you, step in and offer a hand. Oh, sure, they’re not sporting kilts and carrying 2 bags at a time like the hot clerk in the hotel in Scotland was, but they’ve got ideas and advice and they’re pretty fucking cool.

My painting isn’t done – but it’s coming along. It sits in my college boy’s empty bedroom, admonishing me as I walk past. It’s kind of a bossy canvas but I love it.

As for The Twizzy, I’ll get back to it on Monday. I know Donna and Mill are eager to win more games.

And now I’m off to workout because: (1) today is my youngest boy’s 15th birthday and I will be eating cake (2) Game 1 of the ALDS is tonight and I’ll nervously be stuffing my face throughout. Go Yankees!

Have a great weekend everyone. Write, paint, read. 

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3 thoughts on “Down But Not Out

  1. I love this and have been trying to find things to get lost in myself. I know exactly what you mean about “waking up” from being totally immersed in something you love. I’m glad you picked painting because you are a painter, along with so many other things. I have so much crafting stuff that I can never decide what I want to do. So bravo to your for getting to it. Life can just damn wait. So many people need this reminder to stop, slow down, chill out and do something creative. xoxo

    P.S. A very happy birthday to your son. I hope there was lots of cake. 🙂

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  2. Wow, you don’t know, mainly cuz I didn’t either, just how much I needed to hear this. I’ve been in a stuck spiral for a while, unable to write cuz of the piles that lay on top of me, not realizing that I just need to write in spite of them. Funny, I was kinda thinking about this lady night as I considered my tasks I was coming from and had yet to do. Timely post.

    I would be interested to see what masterpieces come from you in this place.

    Thanks

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  3. i miss your paintings in the header {though this is a pretty theme.} i like the idea of a man in a kilt carrying my baggage. {smile}

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