You are a blip in my life. A bit of flotsam that floated by. Someone wholly unconnected to me in the universe. Or are you there with me for decades now – a part of my inner circle? It doesn’t matter. I feel the need to help you. To pull you up from the wreckage of your life and send you on your way a better and wiser person.
Your envy is indeed a wreckage. You’ve tarnished a good part of your soul living in twisted bitterness for years. No one deserves a life of sadness, and I shall never understand those who gratefully choose one. It does not make you look strong, but sad, weak, sour and vexatious. Your anger is unjustified at those you lash out at. You should scream at the universe for its perverse audacity in not granting you your every wish. Then you should grow the fuck up.
The time has come for you to move on. To pick up the pieces of your smashed fairy tale. Someday your dream may come true. Someday that may be your town/house/car/job/child. And, most importantly, someday your prince may come but he may not be the one you’ve pined for.
Love is not a guarantee. Nor is REAL LOVE always joyful. It can be a vine that twists and curls, destroying with impunity. It has the power to overcome and poison those it touches by weakening them and taking their light. Leaving walking corpses behind. Walking corpses who won’t play dead.
For some, love floats in like Glenda the Good Witch in her pleasing bubble – there as a gift, as the other soul surrenders itself into your hands. When this happens, you will know. Love is not vague. When they love you, they will TELL YOU – and that “I love you” will be the sweetest sound you’ll ever hear until it is whispered in your ear by your warm and cozy toddler.
If love was not the case for you – this time- there’s no reason to believe it won’t be the next time. You should be giving your affections to someone ready and willing to accept them, someone who will tend to your love and watch it grow, not leave it alone to waste and wither.
We have all been walking corpses. We have all not played dead. Love hurts – it is no Disneyesque tableau. It is real, harsh. Love makes you hold the hand of a friend as they gasp their last breath. It makes you cry yourself to sleep at night when you walk away from a relationship that ended too soon (or too late). But you should always do what’s best for your mental and emotional health. Not cling to the hope of a dying vine. You didn’t get what you wanted this time. But love, when coursing through your soul, should not cause you to throw your toys from the cot or blame anyone else. You cannot make love out of nothing. Love will never blossom in toxic soil. You cannot wave Glenda’s wand and have the house/town/job/car/child you’ve dreamed of. No one promised you any of these things. And, sadly, you cannot make them your lover if they are not interested. Life never guaranteed you that.
When accepting advice, you should always consider the source. I’ve been married over 20 years and have friends still from 4th grade to new ones I’ll meet for cocktails just to be girlie. Healthy relationships, therefore, are something I can conduct successfully in my sleep. So you with the bitterness in your soul, rise up, make yourself a cup of tea, go for a leisurely stroll through a botanical garden or museum, and realize that life, love and beauty are all around you. Let go of the hatred and jealousy that’s entrapped your heart because life isn’t going to wait while you pine. Life marches on, stoically and, at times, with much abandon. Fling yourself into the mix joyously and see what develops.