We’re SO Rock n’ Roll

There are a few things you take for granted living in Southern California – things like an endless supply of avocados, and never getting caught in a surprise rain storm. If you don’t care for guacamole (how could you not?!) and are partial to getting rained on (as I am), you probably would fail to appreciate your surroundings. I often fail to appreciate them, you will note if you follow me on Twitter, that I tend to be banging on about wanting to move to Scotland (it’s the accents, OK?) or New York City (A-Rod and my Yankees!). The Husband likes to point this out to me, this yearning to move elsewhere. One would think he takes it personally…

However, with this plentiful supply of avocados and sunshine comes the odd assortment of irritants. I didn’t really consider them until my lovely English friend Charlotte pointed them out to me on Facebook the other day. Up until now it’s just been part of life, but she’s right, we have some weird things here in San Diego. Weird! OK, for instance, fires, tarantulas, waters where Great White sharks have their babies, women mainlining Botox, tourists by the boat, bus and carload, and what’s up with the annual June Bug festival?

Every freaking June I get accosted by June Bugs. Seriously! I’m the biggest bug phobic person out there, and this annual nighttime beetle convention makes me want to board up my windows and not come out of my house until August, when the buggers have all bugged off to wherever bugs go on vacation. Is there a little buggy holiday village somewhere that they retreat to? I don’t get it. The other evening I was minding my own business in the garage, folding laundry and listening to Chris Moyles, when PING! something hit me on the head.

Now, most people would just brush their hair and continue with their chore. Not me. Anything surprising me (especially in the garage or outside) throws me into immediate panic mode. Not only do my arms begin windmilling automatically, but I commence a siren-like sound which is continuously referred to by my family (of men) as “squealing” or “shrieking”. During this floor show I put on in the garage (I’m sure the two cars were appreciative of my performance) I felt company. Oh, yes, company. As in whatever had attacked me was now residing on my head (and hanging on for dear life because I was doing jumping jacks out there, folks!).

Here’s a conundrum – I don’t kill anything, and yet, from the feel of it, there is clearly something large and unpleasant clinging to my hair. Not cool. While this molestation was taking place, my children were watching TV and not concerned at all. Oh, how blase they treat their mother’s rantings. Well after I flung that sucker as far off my head as possible (with my bare hand!), I watched it land (upside down, naturally) on the garage floor. A flipping June Bug. Mother of God. Let the nightmares commence. (This was as bad as last month when I found a Daddy Long Legs sleeping in the bra I had hung up to dry.)

By this point in the garage I had gone into “Shudder Mode” – this is the post-attack phase, where I can’t quite believe something with that many legs had been on me. I walk over (cautiously) while making “Ugh. UGH!” sounds and twitching. There was the June Bug, flailing his little June Bug legs in an attempt to flip over. Great. Now I had to help him or he’d die. I went and got my bug sucking vacuum, sucked him up, and brought it into the living room. There I presented it as if it were evidence in the June Bug’s trial, and of course of how brave I had been in surviving such an attack. The youngest son looked up at me, and said, “So?” He was immediately told to release the bugger outside, “But make sure when you release it he doesn’t land on his back or he’ll die!!!” I shouted this at my son’s back, which was hunched in such a defeated fashion you’d think he dislikes doing these valiant chores for me.

When he returned to the house, wearing that look that can only be described as, “You’re crazy, lady”, I began the grilling process. “Did you watch to make sure it landed right? Was it far enough away from the house? Did you see it fly away? Did it fly back into the garage? Are you sure it isn’t on you?” The condescending tone in which I’m replied to would curl your hair, seriously. Boys…

Oh, and speaking of weird San Diego things and boys, last night we had another earthquake. Another swaying one. Thankfully it wasn’t as strong as the Easter Sunday quake of 7.2 (that’s a previous post of mine you may want to read) but strong and long enough that I ran down the hall and shouted at the boy to get out of the shower. “EARTHQUAKE!” I squawked. “Oh” was his response. Does nothing rile up teenage boys?! The quake continued on long enough that I sat there squawking several more times and finally screeched, “GET OUT OF THE SHOWER!!!” I eventually stuffed him under the dining room table and didn’t let him out until everything that was swinging and swaying came to a full stop.

So, yeah, I guess we do have weird things in Southern California. But if you like sunshine, San Diego is the place you want to be.

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8 thoughts on “We’re SO Rock n’ Roll

  1. Ugh, I forgot about June bugs. We had them in Illinois but I haven’t seen them in Portland yet. The other worse thing about them? That creepy loud buzzing noise they make when they’re upside down.

    Also, tarantulas?????

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  2. hmmm would like to think I am slightly like your son regarding the earthquake, if I had grown up having earthquakes alot and realised it wasnt going to bring down the house I probably would have finished the shower first.

    Now the bugs. As a person who was born and raised in a country where there are no snakes or lethal spiders they would have my immediate attention, as a diver I have that slightly morbid curiousity and want to see the sharks. I am not sure how often you have your shrieking episodes, or how audible it was from in front of the TV, but I would generally go and see what had happened if I heard it (provided it wasn’t an every 5 minute occurance). I am slightly amused at the concern you had for the little thing when most people who react like you are looking for a big weapon to terminate it, or like me that once it had been identified and it wasn’t on me it would have been ignored.

    You are a caring person Denise and hope you never change and part of it sinks in to those around you 🙂

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  3. How about the many SEASONS of bugs in San Diego, the Halloween spider? Ewwwwwww. Not that we don’t have bugs here in Montana but at least the Winter does a fine job of keeping the ickiest ones on your side of the country. By the way your nails look fab in that picture.

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  4. Nice piece Denise! I love that you have a bug vacuum. June bugs, tarantulas, and earthquakes… hmm my craving for sun might just be trumped by my dislike, ok fear of anything super small with too many legs. I live in a place where packing your umbrella 365 days a year is not unusual, it’s a toss up then I guess, sun and june bugs or rain and unknown types of spiders…. I do miss the sun. Oh that’s right, you also have earthquakes, um yup I think I’ll stay up here in my own little rain forest. thanks for reminding me. :o)

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  5. I was born in California, where we lived we had black widow spiders and rattlesnakes. I say the Yankees, Derek Jeter, Nick Swisher, Andy Pettitte etc… trump the sun.

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  6. ARIZONA: {The wonderful state where I live.}

    IN (as in INSIDE) the house: Rattlesnakes, scorpions, black widow spiders, wolf spiders, poisonous centipedes & multipedes, 3-inch long sewer roaches, 2-inch long female mosquitos, killer bees {FOR REAL – KILLER bees}…

    Do I need to go on?

    We also swayed a little from your Easter earthquake (twice), have haboobs (up to 100-mile wide dust storms that can blow over semi-trucks and limit visibility to less than one-inch), tornadoes, monsoon rain storms with accompanying floods, 122 degree temperatures in the summer….

    Shall I continue?

    An unelected governor who signs bills in to law to check the immigration status of everyone who breathes air in Arizona, allows the sale of guns without a background check, allows guns to be carried/worn into bars. John McCain is one of the senators representing Arizona. The state government is controlled by Republicans…

    Shall I continue? Ugh… enough! I think I’ll move to San Diego. 😉

    I love that you have a bug vacuum! You are one of the sweetest, kindest, gentlest people I know, Denise. Also the number one friend I’d want watching my back in a fight! #BABs

    Love you! Great post! *BIG HUGS*

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  7. I’m also not a fan of June bugs (yes, we have them here in NY, usually hitting my screens around the end of May) or spiders. But I’m not against all bugs. Lady bugs and crickets are OK. Whenever any creatures find their way inside, I usually insist that they be caught and brought outside, where they belong. Except for spiders, which must be killed.

    It’s weird, but if there is a spider anywhere in the house, it generally finds me. Seriously. It’ll be above me on the wall or ceiling, or worse, crawling on me or in my shoe! They must sense the fear and it draws them.

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