Feb21

You Should TOTALLY Go Screw Yourself

Posted on 02/21/2012 by musingsfromsunnysocal

The other day there were some young women seated behind me in a restaurant. Occasionally bits of their conversation drifted my way. At one point, the two girls nearest me went into this long description of their plans for the following day. It seemed to revolve around going to tanning beds. As someone who’s covered in scars from head to thigh due to skin cancer, it was all I could do to keep from turning around and flashing them my body. I figured that would only get me looks of revulsion, and probably a criminal charge for exposure. You see, once, a very, very, very long time ago, that girl talking of tanning beds was me…

Yes, I was young once.

I know. Just follow along.

In my early 20′s, someone at my work had kindly pointed out my pale skin. When I say “kindly” it was more like, “Oh my God. GROSS! Why don’t you get yourself a tan? You’re so white!” My friend Ken was standing nearby and took up the gauntlet for me, saying, “She’s northern European. That’s just how they are. They don’t tan.” I’m not sure, actually, that was a defense, but let’s go with it. The woman responded with, “Everyone can get a tan if they go to a tanning salon. Denise, you should TOTALLY go to a tanning salon!”

And so I did…

Yes, you can TOTALLY get a tan. You know what else you can totally get? Skin cancer. All three kinds. I’ve only had two. I’m holding out hope I don’t get the third. Here is my story: About ten years ago, I had what I thought was a bug bite on my forehead. But after several months of it not going away, I figured it was just a weird pimple – because, sure, pimples can last for months… Then I started to ignore it, hoping it’d just fall off or something. I ignored it for a year, maybe two. Maybe more. I don’t know. When I decide to ignore something, I don’t mess around. Eventually I had to have it checked out because it started to sting when I applied cream or makeup. It was an angry little lump.

It turns out that slow-growing, angry little lump was Basal Cell Carcinoma. He was my first (I always refer to the growths as “he”…). To remove that tricky bastard involved the Mohs Procedure. This particular dermatologist only performed it once a month, so the waiting room that day was full. Patients went in, one at a time. Got their numbing injections, had the slice-and-dice, and were sent back to the lobby holding gauze over their incisions to stanch the flow of blood. It was a funny gathering – everyone with gauze being pressed to different areas. There you sat while they checked your cells under a microscope to make sure your margins were clean. If they were not clean, you went back in to have more sliced and diced. Most people went in once or twice, were stitched up, and sent on their merry way.

Most people…

Most people who aren’t this ghastly white…

Most people who aren’t “Northern European,” apparently…

First came my numbing injection. I am not a fan of needles. Then came The Mini Melon-Baller. He basically began to melon-ball my forehead. Not two seconds later, out of the corner of my eye, I saw him get sprayed with blood. It looked a bit like this…

He quickly shielded my view of the proceedings by throwing a towel over my eyes, not too carefully, and frantically called to the nurse who was faffing about on the other end of the room. I’m assuming my blood continued to spray him, because he sounded terribly flustered. Something like, “NURSE, just…if you could just… apply some pressure here!” Then he wiped himself a bit and barked at me, “Are you on blood thinners? No? Aspirin? NO?”

No…

As they spent a great deal of time applying pressure, I began to hope that I wouldn’t bleed to death on their table. I also began to hope that this experience was over, and that I’d soon be joining the ranks of the gauze brigade in the other room. Um, no. The Mini Melon-Baller returned. The pressure of it as it dug into my forehead (and the ensuing sounds) still make me gag. Soon enough though I was bandaged, and gauzed. Then re-bandaged, and re-gauzed. And re-re-bandaged and re-re-gauzed. As I continued to bleed through all their supplies, and he lost what was left of his patience, he handed me a roll of gauze, said, “Keep your head back, keep this on it with pressure. Do NOT stand up” and plopped me in the waiting room. There the ranks began to dwindle while I propped my head against the wall. The lucky devils around me were one-by-one stitched up and sent away. I was called back in the room for another melon-balling. My margins weren’t clean… Naturally.

Then I was called back in again…

The waiting room was really emptying out now…

Yet again I was called in. Yet again came The Mini Melon-Baller. Yet again I bled like a stuck pig.

After many trips in, I was eventually pronounced “clean.” 8 stitches later and I was sent home.

I have since had Squamous Cell Carcinomas and more Basal Cell Carcinomas. I have had more stitches. In addition to that removal method, I’ve had Cryotherapy. That’s fun. The first time I had that, I ended up with a massive welt the size of a golf ball on the back of my upper thigh and couldn’t sit for nine hours. Nine bloody hours. And, I’ve used the Topical Chemotherapy several times. This burns the cancerous (and pre-cancerous) cells off your body over a course of weeks. That’s an unpleasant experience. For many weeks the growths crack, ooze, bleed, itch, and sting – and you walk around looking disgusting. I have recently been told that I am to continue to use the Topical Chemotherapy – as a preventative measure. I’m basically to rub it across areas of my body that have thus far been affected by skin cancer. Do this once or twice a week. Forever? Who knows. The only thing I do know is that the days of my youth that were spent with baby oil glistening on my body to lure in the sun(burn) were the cause of this, as were the days I spent in those damn tanning beds. I will always need to return for check-ups. The longest I can go is 6 months.

If I ever see the bitch who told me I should totally try tanning beds again, I’m totally going to flash her my hideously scarred body…

Wear sunscreen. Avoid going in the sun during peak hours. Get yourself to the dermatologist for regular check-ups. And for God’s sake, use self-tanning creams. They’re the healthier option. Be good to your skin, poppets, or you’ll end up looking like this.

Jan23

The Cougher – Or – How to Annoy & Infect Other Diners

Posted on 01/23/2012 by musingsfromsunnysocal

The Cougher – Or – How to Annoy & Infect Other Diners

It’s turned into an annual thing for me and my friends Annie and Martina to go to a 5-star restaurant for Restaurant Week. We look forward to this. Seldom would we choose to eat at a 5-star restaurant when we go out for our girlie meals unless it’s a special occasion. This year it was no different.

We chose the place we’d wanted to go last year but couldn’t get reservations. None of us had ever eaten there and we were quite excited as we prepared for the night out. This is an elegant and well-established place in San Diego. As such, it calls for proper attire. It also calls for a certain level of decorum. Now, I haven’t ranted on here for awhile but clearly some things need to be spelled out to the general public.

For instance, whether you go on their website or not, most people know dinner at a 5-star calls for proper attire. Proper attire means proper attire. One assumes the basic principles of dressing are understood. You wouldn’t, say, dress for dinner in something you’d wear to a ballgame, right? I wore a velvet skirt with a few sequins here and there, and I carried The Prada, which seldom makes an appearance because I’m afraid something will spill on it. This was quite an event, after all.

In addition, once in the establishment, rules of decorum at the table should also be followed. Presumably people surrounding you at a 5-star restaurant weren’t raised with cattle inside of a barn. They know how to behave, yes?

No.

We were quietly enjoying our meal (and the sensational views) when the table to the west of us was seated. I took immediate notice because they hadn’t dressed for dinner. They dressed for, say, a Padres game or a backyard barbecue. This annoyed me because this restaurant was the special occasion place my mom used to come on dates (for dinner and dancing!) in the ’70s. I’m old-fashioned. It grated on me to see them in their blue jeans and tennis shoes in a place with such a fine pedigree.

As the meal wore on, I tried to not pay much attention to them. Annie, however, was given no choice. Remember when I assumed they weren’t raised in a barn? Well, never assume… The woman at the table was seated with two men. Her back was to Annie’s right elbow. Yet for some reason she would whip around and hack and sputter on my dear friend every few minutes. Apparently she had a cough…

The Cougher found nothing amiss with her behavior. In fact, towards the end of our meal The Cougher’s hacks were becoming more frequent. Annie and Martina had discussed it across the table and I am certain The Cougher or her companions heard their dissatisfaction with her conduct. At one point, as I was already gaping, The Cougher whipped around, hacked into the side of Annie’s face and then grinned over at me, admiring her handiwork. Then she ogled our now tainted desserts.

The three of us began hissing like cats in a bag. The Cougher seemed to find this even more fascinating because she kicked up her coughs a notch. The Hillbilly directly in front of me could sense our irritation but did nothing to dissuade this creature from continuing to turn her head on our party to hack.

Had we not been settling the bill right then, I think one of us would have said something to our delightful server. I’m horrified to think that The Cougher couldn’t figure it out on her own – or she figured it out and decided to be a bitch. Either way, in polite society, one covers their mouth when coughing – regardless of the location. We could have been at a ballgame and I’d still be ranting. Cover your damn mouth!

My mom (hardcore German) would have been appalled. She’d likely have leaned over and said, “Oh, so you have a cough? I see you’ve a napkin on your lap. Why not make use of that, tilt your head down and cough into it?” That would have been the ladylike thing to do. It is what most people afflicted with a chest cold would do. Instead this tart found nothing wrong with craning about and coughing like a demented barn owl hacking up rat bones.

We didn’t let it spoil our mood. We rose above her tacky behavior and we thoroughly enjoyed our evening. So far none of us have gotten sick.

Point being, dear readers, when you’re out, please attempt to be polite to those around you. It’s what separates us from the monkeys at the zoo who throw their own feces…

Jan9

Heart Fail-her

Posted on 01/09/2012 by musingsfromsunnysocal

Heart Fail-her

When I met her in high school, she was the freckled girl with the broad smile and convertible red Mercedes – always fun and lively. I had no idea that before my 40th birthday, I’d take her life.

In school she was a grade younger than me. We met when my friend Wendy brought her into our fold. It was a wild night, one Millicent and I both remember… CAF, as I’ll call her, handled our teen girl craziness with aplomb.

After high school, when most of my friends went away to college, CAF and I remained in San Diego to study. We hung out quite a bit and, one fateful night, met the two men we’d eventually marry. They were best friends. This could, on occasion, be a real pain in the ass.

Five years before CAF gave birth to her first child, I had mine. CAF and her husband were (for the most part) supportive of this change in group dynamics.

Three months after CAF became pregnant with her first child, I became pregnant with my second. It was nice to go through it together. CAF went on to have two more children. It was shortly after the birth of her third that our lives were forever altered.

I was at the office. I worked full-time back then. I was Director of Administration for a real estate development firm here in San Diego. The call came through from my husband saying CAF was in the hospital. She’d had a heart attack. As CAF was a year and a half younger than me, I had a hard time believing this. She was 33. She’d been taken to the hospital closest to her house. I rushed there and heard the impossible news: Not only had she suffered a heart attack but the hospital (once they’d harvested her artery) realized they were way out of their league. They needed to ship her to a hospital that specialized in her type of rare cases. Rare cases?! We were baffled.

It turns out CAF suffered what is called Spontaneous Coronary Artery Dissection, a rare condition that occurs after the birth of several children. This was three months after the birth of her last child. All arteries leading to the entire left side of her heart were shredded. She had also suffered a stroke.

She was flown to a sister hospital, which was unable to do more than poke at her. They, too, were out of their league. Next she was flown downtown. We all drove down separately, a somber, disbelieving group. After many hours, they came out to tell us that they’d put CAF into a medically induced coma. They would put an LVAD (Left Ventricular Assist Device) in to replace the left side of her heart. We could go in and see her if we wished. I waited until her husband had already left the room before I went in. CAF was suddenly the Bionic Woman, lying there with a metal rod sticking out of her head, and her entire chest cavity cut open, covered only by what appeared to be Saran Wrap. This image still haunts me. I saw the inner workings of the human body. I wish I could forget it.

Because she was a strong woman, she came through that all right and was put on the heart transplant list. In the years she had with us post-LVAD, she learned to adapt to life with the heavy outer battery pack strapped to her waist. The thing weighed 4 pounds and the power cord went in through a hole in her side. We always had to carry a spare battery when we left the house in case of emergencies. At night CAF was plugged into a power source, not the batteries. CAF forever wore the scars of her trauma, a slice from her neck all the way down to her left foot. When I’d remark on how brave or strong she was, she’d say she was just grateful to be able to raise her children, to get to know her baby and have him know his mommy…

The rhythmic ‘whoosh whoosh whoosh’ of her blood being pumped by the LVAD was jarring at first but then became a pleasant aspect of life with CAF. We made plans to celebrate our 40th birthdays in Paris. Just us two. It was something to cling to. CAF was a brilliant interior decorator and her house was always ready for Architectural Digest. Whereas mine looked like a bomb had exploded… Sometimes she’d remark upon this but not with as much frequency as she had before her LVAD. Perhaps we both realized what was important?

CAF and I routinely hung out, as usual. Dinners, drinks, movies, shopping. If it wasn’t just us, it was my family of four and her family of five. This would be the last time my husband and I would share similar friends.

One day years later, the call came that CAF had been put in hospital with severe pain. When I called to check up on her, she said she had been in pain and feverish for a few weeks but waited until her insurance could cover it before going into the hospital. She couldn’t afford to go sooner… By then, her appendix had burst, blowing away a good part of her intestines. This was indeed a setback. Her pain and fever increased. They loaded her up on antibiotics to make sure bacteria wouldn’t affect her heart. After testing the appendix, they found something alarming: it was riddled with cancer. She couldn’t catch a break. They needed to take her off the heart transplant list now that she had this disease. It had spread to her lymph nodes and, as such, she would now be incapable of taking the immunosuppressant necessary to prepare her for a transplant. Had she taken the medicine, the cancer would have run riot. As it was, the cancer was a wait-and-see measure. This particular kind goes away when the affected host organ is removed. And so it did.

It was several years later that CAF suffered a massive stroke. She was wheelchair bound and needed to learn to speak and eat all over again. She would grow frustrated, as you can imagine, yet still had a twinkle in her eye when we’d sit and watch movies together. She was still in there. She lost energy quickly, however, and I guess I didn’t want to think that another stroke was imminent. Months later, it came.

There were no more cognitive moments for CAF. She’d suffered this stroke while asleep. It was one of her children who’d found her. CAF had always doted on her children. That it was one of them who discovered her makes the story that much more brutal. Every day for weeks (maybe a month? maybe more?), I’d go down to the hospital, Red Bull in hand, and sit for hours at her bedside. Sometimes her husband was there, sometimes he’d just left. When we’d pass, he was always positive. He believed each day that CAF had blinked in response to something he’d said or squeezed his hand. This always puzzled me as I never got responses. Never.

One day as I was leaving, I was waylaid in the corridor by a nurse and the lead cardiologist. They explained the facts: CAF was brain-dead. She wasn’t in there anymore. They’d tried explaining to her husband but he wouldn’t listen. He clung to the belief that he’d have his wife and the mother of his very young children back. According to her medical team, she would never come back, and he needed to pull her life support and move on. Could I please explain that to him? they asked. I said, “No. I’m vegetarian. I don’t even kill ants or gnats.” I wouldn’t be the one to tell him he needed to kill his wife. I wouldn’t tell him he had to kill my friend. They, however, were adamant. I was the only one they could prevail upon, the only one he’d listen to. CAF’s biological family was scattered and didn’t get on with her husband. They stopped coming after the first day. They knew what we’d failed to acknowledge. There was no coming back. And his family seldom came to the hospital. It was just the two of us every day.

On the agreed upon date, I brought CAF’s husband into the hospital conference room to meet the team of cardiologists, neurosurgeons and neurologists. There they explained the facts to him. He turned to me in a state of denial and I did what needed to be done. He took my advice. I felt like the Grim Reaper.

Days leading up to it, he’d bring the 3 kids in to “Say bye to mommy.” It was horrible to witness. On the 3rd day of this trauma, the head on a ceramic angel sitting on a nearby table fell off of its own accord, rolled across the tabletop and hit the floor. I told him then it was enough. Just pick a damn day and stop bringing the kids in! They’d said their goodbyes. They needn’t be permanently scarred anymore than necessary.

It was decided we wouldn’t let her go on Memorial Day because he’d always remember that. He chose June 1st. We went and picked out her coffin together. We picked out her plot together. It was very near her mom’s…

The day dawned brutally hot. I remember worrying about after school care for my kids as I drove to the hospital. Who’d watch them? I knew I’d be in no shape to care for them. Thankfully I needn’t have worried. Friends and family are exceptionally kind in circumstances such as this. CAF’s husband was there waiting for me along with his mother. No one from CAF’s family was there. The doctors came in, the nurses were unobtrusive. The machine was turned off, stopping the rhythmic ‘whoosh whoosh whoosh’ that had been such a part of our lives for years. It took about two minutes before CAF’s husband fled. The sounds of her body gasping was more than he could bear. His mother ran out to care for him. I continued to sit there, holding her hand and talking to her in my stupid inconsequential way that I’d always done. Blathering away. Saying nothing of import. I told her I was sorry that I’d done this to her. I told her I loved her. And I told her I’d wait a good while in the room after she’d gone so she’d know I was there. When I looked up, I realized even the nurses had fled. I was alone. It took a long time…

I came home, went to my room, drank four beers in rapid succession, and fielded texts and calls from my best friends. By the time Andy phoned, I was fairly incoherent. I get the feeling he’d been rehearsing his comfort speech all day, bless him. It didn’t help but whenever I think of that day, I think of him trying so hard to spare me what I wouldn’t spare myself. What I still haven’t. I think of him standing in the hallway outside a convention in Las Vegas telling me I did a good thing. If anyone could get through to me, it would have been him. It didn’t work. I haven’t been the same since that day, as you can imagine. I refer to it as “The Day I Killed CAF”. I think of it in no other way than I killed her. I convinced her husband to do it and I alone remained to watch her final gasp. I figure when I make it to the other side, the enormity of my transgression will be too great to get me a pardon. I’ll have to come back in my next life as a downtrodden soul… Or perhaps a factory farm animal.

I think I’ve referenced the memorial service for CAF in another blog post on here. It is one of the few times I can honestly say I was proud of myself. There were well over 100 people in attendance at the church, CAF was very loved and respected for not only her interior design work but also for having fought so hard for so long. I stood before them and talked about my friend. I dug my fingernails into my palms to prevent myself from crying, and I concentrated on the lovely caws coming from the crows just outside the door. People still remark on how I stood there tear-free. They’ve no idea how those crows saved me.

I was talking with Wendy and Millicent this morning on Facebook about our old fun times. It made me cringe, reminding me of my deed. CAF’s birthday is fast approaching. I never do well this time of year. I need to go visit her grave but the thought of doing so makes me physically sick. And it’s worse because I’m the only one who does visit. Two years after her death, it had to be me that reported to the maintenance crew that her grave had started to slide down the hill due to heavy winter rains. I haven’t been out there in years. I know I should go…

One of the things I’d told CAF as she passed was that I’d make sure her children were all right. I failed her in that as much as I failed her as a friend. Thankfully, my assistance wasn’t needed for more than 3 or 4 months after her death. CAF’s husband met a charming woman with 4 kids and they were married soon after. I like to think CAF played a part in that. The family continues to do well.

My guilt remains.

Jan4

Your Twizzy Court

Posted on 01/04/2012 by musingsfromsunnysocal

Your Twizzy Court

As it’s the new year, I thought I’d revisit what occupied a great deal of my time last year. No, not my neuroses. The Twizzy.

For those of you unfamiliar, please feel free to look back over my posts for the last year. You’ll quickly get caught up. Here is the final Twizzy game. Make sure you scroll to the bottom so you see the full list of Twizzy Stars. I’m still so terribly proud they chose to play along.

Now, as promised, here are photos of the Twizzy winners with their prizes and tiaras.

First off, The Twizzy Grand Champion. Here Donna (@dp57) strikes a daring pose in (strangely) a Santa penguin ensemble. I don’t know why. Let’s just go with it, OK? On the Santa cap you can see the crystal tiara with a T for Twizzy.

Here is the first runner-up Heike (@busybrd) with her tiara and prizes. She looks like a proper princess there.

Next, we’ve got Allison (@wrightallison) who gets bonus points for using her teeth!

Here’s my best friend Millicent. She’s not on Twitter. I know, I can’t believe it either… We’ve been best friends since 5th grade. I won’t tell you how many years that is but back then Dittos were in fashion. Dittos? You know? Dittos? Never mind.

And tied with her is Sandy (@littlesandyw). Sandy particularly liked the card.

We have another tie – this one for last place. Here is Nichole (@NicholeBernier) who gets a bonus point for her artistic presentation.

And Cassie (@Cassie_Jackson) who should get special mention for playing along from England. That was no small feat to time her visits to the site with the release of each game. Well done, Cassie.

Congratulations to all my lovely ladies.

All book prizes were donated by my friend Alyssa Smith (@booksandcorsets). The runners-up tiaras were donated by Donna (@dp57). I provided The Twizzy Grand Champion with her sparkly winnings. And the fabulous handmade cat cards were donated by Millicent.

I hope you enjoyed the photos as much as I did.

As for 2012, no. There won’t be another Twizzy. I’m sorry. I know you’ve all asked but I can’t do it. I need to concentrate on finishing up the editing on my first manuscript and then begin the querying process. Yes, again.

In addition, I’ve got four other manuscripts that are requiring my attention. Occasionally, I hear, I’m to look in my family’s direction as well. And we won’t get into how much time it takes out of my life to watch every Yankees game. But don’t worry, you can usually find me moaning about something on Twitter, so I’ll see you there.

Nov29

It’s a book, not a greeting card

Posted on 11/29/2011 by musingsfromsunnysocal

It’s a book, not a greeting card

For years I’ve received the same question. It comes at me from different sources – sometimes surprising ones. People that I’d expect to have my back will toss it at me in a manner which I consider slightly disparaging. I may (and do) disparage myself quite frequently. I’d rather you not. I find it unnerving and, some might say, petty.

For years I’ve answered the question using the same phrase. I should probably come up with something eloquent that would leave the interrogator in a state of awe, blindsided by my brilliance. As it is, I leave them with befuddled brows. They chew the inside of their cheeks, wondering just what I meant. “She’s a tad touchy” running through their minds.

Yes, yes I am. I am a high-strung and temperamental fusspot. The question being posed time and again only reinforces my sensitive nature and makes me withdraw from those who seek me out, with it blistered on their lips. Yes, yes, you’ve asked me that before…

I am an author. I begin again this process called editing. While I enjoy the opportunity to revisit my characters, my old friends they’ve become, I feel the weight of the work that’s yet to be done. I know I can do it. I have done it time and again. This has dragged on for years now. I am the first to admit it. I am also the first to mock myself. Those who are not writers won’t understand this solitary existence – the hours spent staring at the monitor, fingers tapping away on keyboards so worn the letters have come off, our bums, growing ever wider, are now hermetically sealed to our chairs.

I am an author. I begin again with all my writerly feelings shaken, not stirred. Frozen in this little spot for the next several months – editing nearly 400 pages. I’ll cultivate new neuroses along the way. Stay tuned. My Tweets will lessen – becoming more severe and self-critical in nature. That is my prerogative. I excel at self-disparagement. I have few skills. That’s one. Do not disparage my self-disparagement. It’s the coal in my Little Engine That Could.

I am aware the question will be posed by many unfamiliar with the publishing industry. If you’re planning on being one of them, here, I’ve written out your question and my answer to save us both some time and irritation.

YOU: “You’re still working on the same book?”

ME: “It’s a book, not a greeting card.”

Be well, little Twitterverse.

Nov25

The Twizzy – The Final Game Results

Posted on 11/25/2011 by musingsfromsunnysocal

The Twizzy – The Final Game Results

Hello, readers. Thanks for playing along and having fun with The Twizzy all year. Here are the results for The Final Game.

As of Wednesday afternoon, there were 5 correct answers. I stopped counting past then because I had to get ready for Thanksgiving. The runners-up for this game are: @cassie_jackson, @kcecelia, @busybrd, and my best friend Millicent.

So who was the winner? It’s @dp57, of course. Congratulations, Donna! This is your 10th Twizzy win! Please pick a prize from the list below and leave your choice in the comments section on this page.

Prizes consist of: Seven Souls A Leaping co-written and donated by Kellyann Zuzulo (while supplies last), $15 Barnes & Noble gift cards (with 1 donated by the wonderful Kellyann Zuzulo), or a surprise FANTASTIC hardcover book from my grab bag of goodies from Alyssa Smith.

So who was the Twizzy Star for Game 38, The Final Game?

You know her.

You love her.

I hope you’ve read her gorgeous writing.

The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 38 was Catherine Delors.

As this is The Final Game, it’s time to reveal who The Twizzy Grand Champion is. This comes as no surprise to my diehard players, it’s @dp57! Donna, speeding your way is THIS, THE TWIZZY TIARA.

I’m also hoping to send another separate goody, which I can’t reveal. I haven’t yet received said item (although I have harassed the gentleman who owns it several times). You will love. In addition to the mystery prize, I will be sending you a hardcover book from the selection I was given. Congratulations, my friend. You deserved it. I will be keeping this, the Twizzy Tiara you made and sent me. It will forever by my reminder that I ran this mad quiz for so long.

Now, who are the Twizzy Runners-up? They are (in order of wins):

@busybrd with 5

@wrightallison with 4

A tie with:

My best friend Millicent with 3

and

@LittleSandyW with 3

And a tie with:

@nicholebernier with 2

@cassie_jackson with 2

Keep your eyes on the post, ladies. You will be receiving parting gifts. And, Cassie, I think I need your mailing address, hon. Drop it in the comments section on this page.

The Twizzy is over. I’m extremely proud to say this was the first time anything of this magnitude was put together on Twitter. I am delighted to have had the cooperation of so many authors, journalists, sports writers, literary agents, and publishers. If you’ve not read their books or articles, or followed them on Twitter, why not do so? We’re a literary bunch, after all.

At this time, I’d like to thank each of my Twizzy Stars, because without them, this couldn’t have happened:

***The lovely Bethanne Patrick was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 1. You can find and follow her at @thebookmaven. http://bookmavenmedia.com/

Bethanne is responsible for #fridayreads on Twitter and the Friday Reads Facebook page. By all means, stop by every Friday and share what you’re reading.

***The charming Caroline Leavitt was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 2. You can find and follow her at @leavittnovelist. http://www.carolineleavitt.com/home.htm

Caroline has been on the New York Times Bestseller List for 2 weeks in a row now with her book PICTURES OF YOU. Why not buy it today?

***The hilarious Wallace Matthews was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 3. You can find and follow him at @ESPNNYYankees . http://espn.go.com/blog/new-york/yankees

Wallace is the Yankees Beat Writer for ESPN New York.

***The adorable Julie Klam was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 4. You can find and follow her at @julieklam . http://www.julieklam.com/

Julie is the New York Times Bestselling Author of You Had Me At Woof: How Dogs Taught Me The Secrets of Happiness and Please Excuse My Daughter (Riverhead)

***The fabulous Colleen Lindsay was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 5. You can find and follow her at @colleenlindsay http://theswivet.com

Colleen is a former literary agent who is currently part of the Business Development team at Penguin Group (USA).

***The wonderful Veronica Brooks-Sigler was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 6. You can find and follow her at @getlit_erate http://www.brookssigler.com

Veronica is the author of Five Finger Fiction. She is working on a sequel. Yay!

***The witty Brett Sandusky was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 7. You can find and follow him at @bsandusky and http://brettlikesstuff.tumblr.com/

Brett is a digital publishing professional, innovator, strategist, marketer and writer.

***The funny Elana Roth was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 8. You can find and follow her at @ElanaRoth and http://www.elanaroth.com

Elana is a literary agent at the Caren Johnson Literary Agency. She’s also second-to-none in quoting Ghostbusters.

***The delightful Gesine Bullock-Prado was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 9. You can find and follow her at @closetmastrbakr and http://www.gesine.com

Gesine is a pastry chef, the owner of Gesine Confectionary, and author of Confections of a Closet Master Baker/My Life from Scratch and the recent Sugar Baby.

***The captivating Laura Strachan was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 10. You can find and follow her at @StrachanLit and www.strachanlit.com

Laura is my literary agent. She represents literary fiction and narrative nonfiction. She loves books, art, theatre — compelling stories, well told.

***The talented Joe Wallace was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 11. You can find and follow him at www.josephwallace.com @joe_wallace

Joe is an author of nonfiction books, noir stories, and a novel, DIAMOND RUBY.

***The sweet Kellyann Zuzulo was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 12. You can find and follow her at www.kfzuzulo.com @kfzuzulo

Kellyann is a former journalist, author of tales, word laborer, stirrer of soup.

***The brilliant Bob Klapisch was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 13. You can find and follow him at http://www.northjersey.com/sports/pro_sports/baseball/klapisch/ and http://msn.foxsports.com/writer/Bob_Klapisch @BobKlap

Bob is a baseball columnist for The Bergen Record and foxsports.com

***The new mommy Erin Bried was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 14. You can find and follow her at http://erinbried.com/ @NiftyButton

Erin is a pie baker, storyteller, collector of old timey wisdom. Author of How to Build a Fire & Sew a Button (Ballantine). Self mag staff writer.

***The dear Sean Kennedy was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 15. You can find and follow him at http://www.sean-kennedy.com/ @slicksean

Sean is a Writer/journalist/media consultant. His Tweets are 20% each: current affairs/culture; writing/media; LGBT topics; food/food systems; personal.

***The darling Pete Caldera was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 16. You can find and follow him at: www.northjersey.com And http://blogs.northjersey.com/blogs/pinstripeposts and @pcaldera

Pete is the Bergen Record Yankees beat writer and an occasional band vocalist with the Stan Rubin Orchestra.

***The fantastic David Pomerico was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 17. You can find and follow him at http://www.bantamspectra.net and @DelReySpectra

David is an editor at Del Rey and Spectra, two of the biggest SF, fantasy, urban fantasy, and paranormal romance imprints in–and out of–the world.

***The sweet Jennifer Gilmore was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 18. You can find and follow her at http://jennifergilmore.net/ and @jenwgilmore

Jennifer is the author of the new novel Something Red, and the NYTimes Notable novel, Golden Country.

***The talented Allison Winn-Scotch was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Week 19. You can find and follow her at www.allisonwinn.com and @aswinn

Allison is a novelist, NY Times best seller (yeah, I had to get that in), celeb profiler, diaper changer, dog walker, ass-kicker, pop culture junkie, superwoman.

***The clever Kathleen Schmidt was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 20. You can find and follow her at http://kathleenschmidt.tumblr.com @bookgirl96

Kathleen is a bookish broad, PR superhero, mother of two, lover of sports, and wife of @Rockpappa.

***The marvelous Mark Feinsand was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 21. You can find and follow him at http://www.nydailynews.com/blogs/yankees @BloggingBombers

Mark is the Yankees beat writer for the New York Daily News.

***The fantastic Georgia McBride was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 22. You can find and follow her at www.georgiamcbride.com @Georgia_McBride

Georgia is a YA author of the PRAEFATIO series. She’s represented by Mark McVeigh of The McVeigh Agency. Founder of #YAlitchat. Mom to 2 humans + 3 Chihuahuas. Hopeless Romantic.

***The brilliant Brenda Copeland was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 23.

***The adorable Nichole Bernier was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 24. You can find and follow her at http://www.nicholebernier.com @NicholeBernier

Nichole is a writer (Conde Nast Traveler) & mother of 5 trafficking in humor, Twizzlers, occasionally wisdom. Novel THE UNFINISHED WORK OF ELIZABETH D, Crown/RH 2012

***The fabulous Ken Davidoff was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 25. You can find and follow him at http://www.newsday.com/sports/baseball/ken-davidoff-s-baseball-insider-1.1278117 @kendavidoff

Ken is the National baseball writer for Newsday.

***The funny Jenny Gardiner was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 26. You can follow and find her at @jennygardiner http://www.jennygardiner.net/blog/

Jenny is the author of Sleeping with Ward Cleaver, Winging It: A Memoir of Caring for a Vengeful Parrot Who’s Determined to Kill Me, & Slim to None.

***The hilarious Laura Zigman was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 27. You can follow and find her at @laurazigman http://laurazigman.wordpress.com/

Laura is a writer, branter, complainer, mom, recovering publicist.

***The talented Jerome Priesler was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 28. You can follow and find him at @YankeesInk http://www.yankeesink.com

Jerome is a New York Times bestselling novelist and regular contributor to YESNetwork.com.

***The ultra cool Rich Oliver was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 29. You can follow and find him at @RichOliver and http://www.richardoliver.biz

Rich is the jingle singer for the Chris Moyles Breakfast Show on BBC Radio 1 in the United Kingdom.

***The dynamic Susan Orlean was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 30.You can follow and find her at @susanorlean and www.susanorlean.com

Susan is a writer for The New Yorker, and several books - The Orchid Thief and her latest, Rin Tin Tin.

***The hilarious and talented Jane Heller was The Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 31. You can follow and find her at @janeheller1 http://www.janeheller.com

Jane is a novelist, screenwriter, blogger, author of Confessions of a She-Fan, a Yankees diehard, movies/books fan, and a pop culture maven.

***The charming Karen Palmer was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 32. You can follow and find her at @karen_palmer www.karenpalmer.com

Karen is a writer, editor, teacher.

***The incredible Marc Carig was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 33. You can follow and find him at @ledger_yankees www.nj.com and http://carig.wordpress.com

Marc is the Yankees beat writer for The Star-Ledger and NJ.com

***The witty Glenn Giangrande was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 34. You can follow and find him at @glenngiangrande and http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/profile.php?id=538658980&ref=profile

Glenn is a four-time Emmy recipient, YESNetwork.com personality, on-air talent.

***The clever Drew Sarver was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 35. You can follow and find him at @mypinstripes http://mypinstripes.blogspot.com

Drew is a Database Developer, Blogger, BaseballDigest.com writer, Beagle lover, Husband

***The brilliant Alyssa Smith was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 36. You can follow and find her at @booksandcorsets and http://about.me/booksandcorsets

Alyssa is an Editor, reviewer, convention organizer, avid costumer. She is always planning something. She Tweets about her interests: cooking, sewing, books.

***The lovely Holly LeCraw was the Twizzy Star of the Week for Game 37. You can follow and find her at @HollyLeCraw and http://hollylecraw.com/Holly is a writer, reader, southerner far from home. Her first novel, The Swimming Pool, is out in paperback from Doubleday.

And my 2 Twizzy Stars kept in reserve were:

Ann Leary @annleary: Author of OUTTAKES FROM A MARRIAGE and An INNOCENT, A BROAD

http://www.annleary.com/

Jayne Sharp-Vitty @jaynesharp: Mummy, voice over & telly gal x

http://andsowtobed.blogspot.com

Thanks for playing along everyone. I will NOT see you Monday morning. There will NOT be another Twizzy. You may now go about your lives. Adieu!

Nov21

The Twizzy – The Final Game

Posted on 11/21/2011 by musingsfromsunnysocal

The Twizzy – The Final Game

~ You love them. You’ve read their books or articles. You follow them on Twitter. But how well do you know them and their wicked sense of humor? Play The Twizzy and find out. ~

Happy Monday and welcome to The Final Twizzy. Thank you for all your responses over the past year. I’m glad you had fun and were so competitive with each other! It was terrific for me to coordinate and run. I absolutely adore several of my Twizzy Stars, so I probably enjoyed this far more than you! In fact, I’ll let you in on a little secret, I assigned my favorite Twizzy Stars to my favorite numbers. If only you knew my favorite numbers, you’d know who my favorite Twitter people are, and that would have been a huge help for your guesses. Ha.

This Friday, after I reveal the final Twizzy Star, I will also crown The Twizzy Grand Champion with a sparkly Twizzy tiara. That is the person who won the most games. High-win runners-up also receive special prizes.

Now, are you ready for Game 38? Remember, you’re allowed 1 guess per day.

I’ll give a recap for those of you who haven’t played yet:

Originally it was just to be the published authors I interact with but this plan grew and grew. Everyone I asked said yes! So what you have here is a lovely mix of writers – from New York Times Bestselling authors to newly published ones. From sportswriters to freelance journalists. I didn’t stop there though. I asked literary agents and editors, and then it extended to all aspects of publishing – from business development to public relations. I’ve even been lucky enough to snag two British celebrities.

Below is the list of the participants with their Twitter bio and handles. While you go through, you may consider following them, and buying their books or newspapers. These people are awesome, truly. As busy as they are, they took time out to play “The Twizzy” and they answered the questions with such flair that I was laughing each time a new email came in.

Once you’ve gone through the list, take a look at the question and answer session below. You will laugh. The questions will be the same every Monday. Your job is to figure out who from the list answered the questions that week. Include your guess in the comments section here on my blog. I will not post your comments until the winner has been announced. This is because I want you to guess on your own. If by Thursday there is still no correct answer, I’ll give 1 hint. The first correct answer wins a prize. Yes, a prize. They consist of: Seven Souls A Leaping co-written and donated by Kellyann Zuzulo (while supplies last), $15 Barnes & Noble gift cards (with 1 donated by the wonderful Kellyann Zuzulo), or a surprise FANTASTIC hardcover book from my grab bag of goodies from Alyssa Smith. You will have until Friday to guess. Then I will reveal The Twizzy Star of the Week. If you’re not on Twitter, you can still play because you’ve likely read their books or articles, and, as the weeks go on, the list will narrow.

If you have any questions, Tweet me at www.Twitter.com/SunnySoCal and please use “#TheTwizzy” in your question.

Have fun and good luck!

~ Denise

The Twizzy Stars List for Game 38 (Please scroll to the bottom of this page for a list and biography of previous Twizzy Stars. Believe me, I’ve hit the jackpot. They’ve all been AWESOME! Check them and their answers out!)

Catherine Delors @CatherineDelors: Writer, historical fiction (For the King, Mistress of the Revolution.) Loves Paris, history and the 18th century.

http://versaillesandmore.com

Ann Leary @annleary: Author of OUTTAKES FROM A MARRIAGE and An INNOCENT, A BROAD

http://www.annleary.com/

Jayne Sharp-Vitty @jaynesharp: Mummy, voice over & telly gal x

http://andsowtobed.blogspot.com

The Twizzy – Game 38

1. How hard was it to break into your line of work? Do you enjoy it?

It was rather fast and painless. And yes, I find it exhilarating.

2. Have you any advice for people who would also like to do your line of work?

Oh, yes. The one rule to remember: there are no rules. (***Note from Denise: This answer has been partially revised.***)

3. Are you known by any nicknames?

A food related one, always food… (***Note from Denise: This answer has been partially revised.***)

4. What song’s your tearjerker?

I Haul Sixteen Tons, by Tennessee Ernie Ford.

5. Do you like capers?

Yes, in hollandaise sauce, with fish of course.

6. Any food you must have?

I am not picky. Any delicious dish will do.

7. Pet?

I travel too much.

8. How do you feel about the word “carbuncle”?

Blue. I am a Conan Doyle fan.

9. Favorite stroll?

Many in Griffith Park.

10. Most embarrassing memory?

Nice try, Denise!

11. Biggest pet peeve?

I make it a rule not to pet my peeves.

12. Who would you like to meet (in any time period)?

Joan of Arc.

13. Who bugs the crap out of you?

Don’t get me started…

14. Favorite book?

Balzac’s Eugenie Grandet.

15. Do songs by Nickelback make you want to stuff hot pokers in your ears?

No. I am not into self-mutilation.

16. Favorite movie?

Beauty and the Beast, by Cocteau.

17. Is marmite the singular form of marmosets? More importantly, does marmite make you want to vomit?

No. Yes. Utterly vile.

18. Favorite quote?

If you are what you ought to be, you will set the whole world on fire.”  St. Catherine of Sienna

19. Favorite swear word?

I don’t swear, dear.

20. How do you feel about capybaras?

I don’t, really.

21. Guilty pleasure?

I reserve my answer for my next trip to the confessional.

22. Favorite character?

My son.

23. Do people who say “sammich” make you want to kick them in the crotch?

Not as much as those who say “nukilar.”

24. Which character would win this smackdown: Peter Venkman, Jack Donaghy, Stay Puft, Dwight Shrute, George Costanza, Basil Fawlty, Mortimer Brewster, Hyacinth Bucket, Mr. Whipple, or the Maytag Repairman?

Venkman, with Stay Puft as a close runner-up. Ah, Ghostbusters… (***Note from Denise: SUPERB ANSWER!***)

25. Phobias?

Roaches.

26. How do feel about cheese? Be specific.

How many words do I have to answer this?

27. Which 1980’s comedy film is this from: “Where’s the rest of this moose?”

?????

28. Foods you refuse to eat?

Brussel sprouts. Pickled herring. Human flesh.

29. Where do you stand on Justin Bieber?

As far as possible.

*Bonus*

Finish this quote from a 1980’s comedy: “Generally you don’t see that kind of behavior in _______________.”

????? What’s the deal with comedies from the 80s? (***Note from Denise: I ask the questions here.***)

________________ Past Twizzy Stars ____________________